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I promise to eventually stop with the ���chicks��� puns, but not any time soon. It���s too easy, too fun, and about the highest form of literary device I am able to effectively wield anyway. Thus prefaced, let me say that I had a good time hanging out on Saturday night in the hot tub next to a bunch of naked chicks. Of course, they were next to the hot tub under a warming lamp and were actually starting to show their first real feathers, but that shouldn���t get in the way of a good pun.

Six of the Java chicks are black or mottled, with two mostly white Javas. True whites are very rare. Sadly, one of the whites has a malformed leg and I worry that it will not grow to maturity. The kids have already told me I must do everything to help it, but I���m not sure if I have the final say over Mother Nature.

With the chicks looking on from the back patio we double-timed our work on the chicken tractor. A chicken tractor is, in essence, a movable coop. You move it once a week or so. The chickens get to go after new bugs, new grass, etc. You get a nicely fertilized, turned piece of earth in their wake. Should be just the thing for a couple of our pastures.

With the kids at work painting the side supports, I put on the framework from the roof. I used old plastic electrical conduit arced over a 1×3 and covered with a tarp. It looked great in theory, but then I remembered that raccoons could climb. I���ll be making a trip up to Philly���s Feed later this week to get some more chicken wire.

With apologies to Blue Lou Marini, we need a lot of chicken wire around here. We have feral cats, raccoons, owls, hawks, and purportedly coyotes.Given my total lack of practical knowledge on the subject, we could have Gila Monsters for all I know. I mean, EVERYTHING eats chickens or eggs making the exact nature of the predator a moot point.

Still, with the first animals present, we can now truly lay claim to the Blue Line Farm moniker. Before we were more of a country home. Now we’re a chicken ranch! Wait. I don’t think that means what I think it means…

Our Java chicks will be arriving next Friday. Oh yeah. Nothing like a box of peeping chicks in an old John Deere box in the back room to remind you that this ain’t Lincoln Park. I think we’ll end up with 8-10 unsexed chicks. Unsexed is a nice way of saying “Rooster Fry by Fourth of July”. I only need one cock. Ahem.

I stopped by Philly’s Feed and picked up 50 lbs of starter feed. This is overkill by a magnitude of 10, but they only sell 50lb bags there. Same with the wood shavings. Apparently, Philly’s Feed is geared towards much larger operations than mine. Given that my total bill was all of …$12.85, I’m not worried. Maybe I should order a Turkey or duck chick or something just to use up the extra.

There are certain things you can’t mail order. One of them is the anecdotal ramblings of the folks at Philly’s. I learned all about their previous attempts at stocking live chicks (they ended up with about 40 adult ducks/chickens/turkeys penned up in the back), starter feed (can be eaten long into adulthood – like Cap’n Crunch), and someone’s marital health (not so good after new truck purchase). Suffice to say, a good time was had by all. Armed with feed, shavings and previously purchased feeder, waterer and lumber I went home to build our portable coop.

I’m not sure how the kids will react the first time we eat one of the chickens, but personally I’m scoping the web for good chicken schwerma recipes. You can take the chicken out of Chicago, but you can still add some Chicago back into the chicken…or something.

I’ll be at Home Depot again this weekend.

Normally, they don’t let me out of the store without a register receipt for over $100. Usually it’s for something cryptic like “0198432 2X4X8 TRT @15 4.50″ and I will never remember what I used it for when I assemble all my receipts at tax time. This, of course, is why the receipts are so cryptic in the first place. Some kind of gubmint/corporate conspiracy. But I digress…

No, I am returning to Home Depot to return John Deere Spreader #3. That’s not the model number. That’s the third one I’ve gotten that’s been defective. Three. I will obtain spreader #4 in return. Last time, the lawn and garden manager was very nice. This time I wonder. I suspect he’ll look at me as if I just shoved a package of tulip bulbs in my pants and tried to walk past the register. “What are you DOING to those things?” he’ll say with his eyes. His tongue, of course, will say, “What are you DOING to those – I mean, of course, sir. Let me do a return right now.”

Luckily, the Returns line here is much better than in Chicago. There, I would get behind an indeterminate Eastern European or Asian lady trying to argue about a $1.02 on a half used box of floor tile. The comical nature of these debates would wear off after about 5 minutes of standing there with $200 worth of Pergo accessories getting heavier by the second. But I digress…

I will suffer the Lawn and Garden manager’s withering stares because I know my only crime has been to trust two trusted brand names: Home Depot and John Deere. That’s why he’ll do the return and be a nice guy about it. The first spreader I bought was one HD had assembled incorrectly. The second was an open box that had broken parts in it. The third was a sealed box with a broken gear shaft. Every couple of turns it would catch unless you got the wheel going really fast. That would make for a helluva garden tractor driving experience. I’d have to race around the yard at top speed spilling my seed everywhere while trying not to ram the fence at the end of each run. Given my proven incompetence with driving a lawn tractor that sounds like a bad idea. Especially the seed spilling part.

Out here in Rural America (hear the capitals) John Deere is big. Back in Da City, people don’t think twice about lawn mowers. Or ag equipment in general, really. Not a lot of call for hay balers in Lincoln Park or Wrigleyville, I guess. Out here, though, John Deere equipment is held in high esteem. There’s John Deere and then there’s all the other stuff. Deere is a brand you can build your life around – Lawn mower, attachments, clothing, tractors, combines, dealers, clocks, etc.

Hence my surprise that their $199.00 towable spreader has been such a nightmare. I’m sure it’s just a fluke. Heck the first two were my fault (NEVER buy open box or pre-assembled equipment!) or Home Depot’s (never let 16 year old kids assemble equipment!). I’ll let Deere off the hook this time. I’ll eat the 8 hours or more I’ve lost traveling back and forth and assembling the defective gizmos and chalk it up to part of my ongoing education. I mean, I need to own at least one piece of John Deere equipment so I can wear one of their cool green hats.